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When you understand what the brain is responding to — safety, clarity, empathy, consistency — you stop trying to sell trust and start creating it naturally, coach Darryl Davis writes.

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Years ago, while researching and writing How to Design a Life Worth Smiling About, I spent a lot of time studying why people do what they do — and just as importantly, why they don’t do what they know they should.

Before we go any further, I just want to say that I love the science part of this conversation. Brain science isn’t theoretical to me. It’s practical. It explains behavior. And when you understand it, a lot of things that used to feel frustrating or confusing suddenly click into place.

That includes trust.

So, stick with me for a minute. We’re going to dip a toe into science, but not in a lecture kind of way. This is about what’s happening in your client’s head during real conversations — whether you’re aware of it or not.

Trust is like a dimmer switch, not a light switch

Most agents think trust works like a light switch. On or off. Either a client trusts you, or they don’t.

That’s not how the brain works.

Trust functions more like a dimmer switch. It goes up or down based on dozens of small signals: tone of voice, pacing, consistency, clarity and whether someone feels understood or pressured. Clients rarely announce when the dimmer starts sliding down. They just hesitate. Stall. Delay decisions. Go quiet.

Understanding that alone changes how you approach conversations.

The brain decides before the client does

The human brain is wired to assess safety and reliability almost instantly. That wiring kept our ancestors alive, and it’s still running every time a buyer or seller sits across from you.

The prefrontal cortex — the part of the brain responsible for judgment and decision-making — is constantly asking questions: Is this person credible? Are they steady? Are they aligned with me, or do they have their own agenda?

Here’s the important part: Clients aren’t just evaluating your knowledge. They’re evaluating how you feel to them.

When your presence feels calm, clear and consistent, the brain relaxes. When it doesn’t, the brain applies the brakes — even if everything you’re saying is technically correct.

The chemistry of trust

One of the key chemicals involved in trust is oxytocin. It’s often called the bonding hormone, and it plays a major role in reducing fear and increasing a sense of safety.

Oxytocin doesn’t get released because you sound impressive. It gets released when someone feels understood.

When a client feels heard — not rushed, not corrected, not subtly steered — their brain responds. When they feel talked over or pressured, their brain tightens up. You may never see it happen, but you’ll feel it later when momentum disappears.

That’s why listening is not a soft skill. It’s a neurological one.

Clients mirror more than you think

Mirror neurons are another fascinating part of this equation. These neurons fire when we observe someone else’s behavior, almost as if we’re experiencing it ourselves.

Translation: Your energy matters more than your script.

If you’re calm and grounded, clients tend to mirror that. If you’re anxious, rushed or overly eager, that transfers, too — even if your words are polished.

Trust isn’t built through performance. It’s built through presence.

How trust is actually built in real life

Most agents assume trust comes from honesty, knowledge and experience. Those things matter — but they’re the baseline. Trust is strengthened through consistency and alignment over time.

Small behaviors create big neurological impact:

Following up when you say you will
Explaining things clearly without talking down
Acknowledging uncertainty instead of glossing over it
Slowing the conversation when a client feels overwhelmed

Each of these moments nudges the dimmer switch up.

Even simple, thoughtful gestures — a personalized message, advice that genuinely serves the client, checking in without an agenda — activate the brain’s reward system. Over time, those positive associations compound.

That’s how clients start to feel steady with you. That’s how loyalty forms.

Trust is built in reps, not speeches

Here’s the good news: Trust isn’t a personality trait. It’s a practice.

The brain is plastic. The more you show up with empathy, clarity and consistency, the more natural it becomes — for you and for your clients. What feels intentional at first eventually becomes instinctive. And that’s when relationships stop feeling transactional and start feeling durable.

Trust isn’t created in one conversation. It’s built in how you show up across many small moments.

When you understand what the brain is responding to — safety, clarity, empathy, consistency — you stop trying to sell trust and start creating it naturally.

That’s when clients lean in. That’s when conversations deepen. And that’s when relationships last long after the transaction is over.

Because people don’t just choose agents they believe in. They choose agents their brains believe with.

Darryl Davis is the CEO of Darryl Davis Seminars. Connect with him on Facebook or YouTube.

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